On My Mind: A Personal Song About Binge Eating Disorder 🎶

On My Mind is the first song I've written solely about binge eating disorder. It depicts the all or nothing nature of the disorder, in how the sufferer uses food as a way to feel better and find temporary relief, based on the absolute assumption that come morning, they will be 'good' and be able to restrict; the eat now, starve tomorrow mentality.

I really wanted to make the song as realistic as possible, so I used audio clips from a YouTube video featuring an artist called KeikoCupcake, titled 'This Isn't a Mukbang, It's a 3000 Calorie BINGE' (this video is no longer available on YouTube), which I felt contained such a real and raw depiction of what it feels like to be in the midst of a binge, and what it's like to live with the disorder.

Instagram: @elysiansoulmusic

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PLEASE NOTE: With my music, I aim to reflect the hidden inner struggles of psychological disorders by externalising the internal. Please use caution if you feel you are easily provoked, and please always take care of yourself.

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Music Links:

◆ iTunes: https://music.apple.com/artist/elysiansoul/710789705
◆ Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/27B7Tp3ndcNU5kzlFT4GY5
◆ Amazon Music: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=ElysianSoul
◆ Tidal: https://tidal.com/browse/artist/5113695
◆ Deezer: https://www.deezer.com/artist/5200385
◆ Bandcamp: https://elysiansoul.bandcamp.com/
◆ SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/elysiansoul

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Lyrics:

It's always on my mind.

(KeikoCupcake)
And I was like, so proud of myself,
'Cause I was like, this is working,
Everything I'm doing is working,
And I'm making the right progress...
And I was like, so proud of myself...
And now I feel like a big failure.

I sometimes wonder what it would be like
To wake up, and not ever have to think about food...
It's just, constantly...
It's always on my mind.

It's always on my mind.

(ElysianSoul)
Take me in,
Give me one last time, to indulge and sin.
Take me in,
And in the morning I will start,
All over again.
Take me in,
Give me one last high, before restriction begins.
Take me in,
And then I promise to be good, from now on, and then,
I'll be thin,
But for tonight, you and me,
We'll take everything.
So take me in,
For some twisted demon,
Living under my skin.

(KeikoCupcake)
I really feel like, I should punish myself tomorrow,
For doing this tonight.
I shouldn't eat anything,
And I should just, drink water,
And exercise for hours.
You do so good,
And then like, you stumble,
And then you just feel like,
A giant failure.
I'll be better tomorrow,
It's always on my mind.

(ElysianSoul)
Take me in,
Give me one last night, to ease my suffering.
Take me in,
And then I promise to be good, from now on and then,
I'll be thin,
But for tonight, you and me,
We'll take everything.
So take me in,
For some twisted demon,
Living under my skin.

'Cause it's always on my mind,
And it's always in my head,
Can't stop thinking about food,
Thinking what I'm gonna get.
Thinking when I'm gonna eat it,
And make sure that I'm alone,
Gotta swallow all these feelings,
And tomorrow I'll atone.

I don't know, what I'm doing,
I'm so out of control,
Cover up the evidence,
They'll never know.
Punish me tomorrow,
For what happens tonight,
Give me one last meal,
And I'll be alright.

(KeikoCupcake)
I have to accept,
The times that I stumble,
And it's only a failure
If I give up.

(ElysianSoul)
'Cause it's always on my mind,
And it's always in my head,
Can't stop thinking about food,
Thinking what I'm gonna get.
Thinking when I'm gonna eat it,
And make sure that I'm alone,
Gotta swallow all these feelings,
And tomorrow I'll atone.

I don't know, what I'm doing,
I'm so out of control,
Cover up the evidence,
They'll never know.
So punish me tomorrow,
For what happens tonight,
Give me one last meal,
And I'll be alright.