The Real Secret to Self-Confidence (You’ve Been Doing It Wrong)

Becoming self-confident is easier than it seems (if you understand it). In this video, I discuss the insight that changed everything for me. Backed by psychological research and personal insights, I reveal the real meaning of self-confidence and how it can transform your life. For more on psychology and personal growth, you can get my book here: https://geni.us/DatingWithoutFear NOTE I’m using “self-confidence” in the everyday sense, blending it with ideas like self-esteem and self-worth. MY NEWSLETTER https://mailchi.mp/09fac9712b6c/thomassmithymanphd CITATIONS Bar-Shachar, Y., & Bar-Kalifa, E. (2021). Responsiveness processes and daily experiences of shared reality among romantic couples. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 38(9), 1–21. Brunell, A. B., & Campbell, W. K. (2011). Narcissism and romantic relationships: Understanding the paradox. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 20(6), 335–338. Brummelman, E., & Sedikides, C. (2020). Raising children with high self-esteem (but not narcissism). Child Development Perspectives, 14(2), 83–89. Butler, E. A., Egloff, B., Wilhelm, F. H., Smith, N. C., Erickson, E. A., & Gross, J. J. (2003). The social consequences of expressive suppression. Emotion, 3(1), 48–67. Czarna, A. Z., Leifeld, P., Śmieja, M., Dufner, M., & Salovey, P. (2016). Do narcissism and emotional intelligence win us friends? Modeling dynamics of peer popularity using inferential network analysis. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 42(11), 1588–1599. Harris, M. A., & Orth, U. (2019). The link between self-esteem and social relationships: A meta-analysis of longitudinal studies. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Josephs, L., Warach, B., Goldin, K. L., Jonason, P. K., Gorman, B. S., Masroor, S., & Lebron, N. (2019). Be yourself: Authenticity as a long-term mating strategy. Personality and Individual Differences, 143, 118–127. Kardas, M., Kumar, A., & Epley, N. (2024). Let it go: How exaggerating the reputational costs of revealing negative information encourages secrecy in relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 126(6), 1052–1083. Kernis, M. H. (2003). Toward a conceptualization of optimal self-esteem. Psychological Inquiry, 14(1), 1–26. Kraus, M. W., & Chen, S. (2012). Relational self-verification through self-presentation: Implications for perceptions of one’s honesty and authenticity. Self and Identity, 11(4), 454–471. Markowitz, D. M., Kouchaki, M., Gino, F., Hancock, J. T., & Boyd, R. L. (2020). Authentic first impressions relate to interpersonal, social, and entrepreneurial success. Social Psychological and Personality Science. Orth, U., & Robins, R. W. (2022). Is high self-esteem beneficial? Revisiting a classic question. American Psychologist, 77(1), 5–17. Sedikides, C., & Schlegel, R. J. (2024). Distilling the concept of authenticity. Nature Reviews Psychology, 3(8), 509–523. Stinson, D. A., Cameron, J. J., & Huang, E. T. (2015). Your sociometer is telling you something: How the self-esteem system functions to resolve important interpersonal dilemmas. In V. Zeigler-Hill et al. (Eds.), Evolutionary perspectives on social psychology (pp. 137–151). Springer. Tenney, E. R., Meikle, N. L., Hunsaker, D., Moore, D. A., & Anderson, C. (2024). Is overconfidence a social liability? The effect of verbal versus nonverbal expressions of confidence. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 123(4), 531–550. von Hippel, W., Dubbs, S., Murphy, S. C., & Trivers, R. (2015). The role of overconfidence in romantic desirability and competition. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 41(6), 711–723. Wood, A. M., Linley, P. A., Maltby, J., Baliousis, M., & Joseph, S. (2008). The authentic personality: A theoretical and empirical conceptualization and the development of the authenticity scale. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 55(3), 385–399. Zeigler-Hill, V., & Besser, A. (2011). Self-esteem and evaluations of targets with ostensibly different levels of self-worth. Self and Identity, 13(2), 146–161. Zeigler-Hill, V., & Myers, E. M. (2011). An implicit theory of self-esteem: The consequences of perceived self-esteem for romantic desirability. Evolutionary Psychology, 9(2), 147–180. Zeigler-Hill, V., Besser, A., Myers, E. M., Southard, A. C., & Malkin, M. L. (2013). The status-signaling property of self-esteem: The role of self-reported self-esteem and perceived self-esteem in personality judgments. Journal of Personality, 81(2), 135–148. MY BOOK Out now: https://geni.us/DatingWithoutFear DISCLAIMER This information is for educational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case.